[09 Mar 200409:08pm] so i should really be studying right now but there's a lot on my mind . and being me . i have to procrastinate these kinds of things for at least an hour or two . although it is already 8:09 and i plan on going to sleep at 9:00 . i better make this update as quick as possible so i can get back to studying. well this morning the hallways in school were dead . dead silent . dead as in hardly anyone was in the hallways . i came in and it was snowing outside so i figured the busses were late or something . i was in the hallway and there was seriously only one other person in there . i had no clue what was going on . so i went to advisory / homeroom . turns out this girl named alexis passed away sometime between sunday and monday morning . she was found dead in her room monday morning . most believe that she committed suicide by slitting her wrists .. but im not completely sure of the facts . in a way i kind of wished i was her .. you know like she got away from everything that was hurting her .. but then i thought she also got away from everything that made her happy . like her friends she was a happy person in school as the teachers described her . she had a nice group of friends .. but then again stuff could've went on at home with her family that drove her to this . so i cant judge her for doing it because im not quite sure why she did it .. considering i don't even know what she looks like . i've probably seen her around school but not really knowing it was her . the teachers described her as a smart kid . so she probably had her reasons to do it so i dont believe that she was neccessarily stupid for doing it .. as some ignorant people called her . you dont call someone stupid when they are deceased. its like some unwritten law . and plus these people didnt know her .. they didnt know her situation . i hate how people are so quick to judge one another . and since people were upset people could skip classes to go see a counselor or go to the nurse . but stupid PBs used it as an excuse to get out of class . butt holes . using someone's death as an excuse to get out of class when really you're in the hallways gossiping and mingling . oh how very considerate . although i didnt know her ... i still feel some remorse . i dont know how that works . but i just do . and it also made me realize that i dont really want to commit suicide . i actually want to live for once ... thats like another language coming out of my mouth . but theres my dog ;] my few true friends but very good friends and of course my family . my mom in particular . sure there are hard times in life .. but if you just wait a matter of days to even months it'll go away .. maybe not forever but it'll let you experience at least a few moments of happiness .. which i suppose is worth living for. lots of homework to get done this week . finished the spanish project .. i still have to study for science . and stupid SS project is due on thursday . we have to make a resume pretending we're alexander the fxcking great .. where does she think of all of these weird projects anyways? math test tomorrow . oh yeah random .. but why do PBs insist on walking into a bathroom and commenting on how it smells like shit and piss? its a bathroom what do you expect a bathroom to smell like? flowers? fine then go out to a garden or something . but oh no .. then they'd complain about the bugs .. during lunch marli wanted to see if james could lean all the way back on the chair .. dont ask me why she just did lol . but he did and behind him was this PB .. so he leaned back and she got up and his face was right in her behind . it was hilarious . sorry for the long update . and if you're wondering what PB is ... im thinking of posting a friends only update this weekend explaining all of these weird terms/codenames lol . and sorry for my lack of commenting . this week has been hectic . slit my throat

[08 Mar 200408:14pm] just got an LJ . stupid picture wont show up on the layout here . but it'll show up on my GJ . its pissing me off but oh well . maybe it'll magically appear sometime soon ... i made a new layout . i dont know if i should use the one i have now or the other one . here it is . please comment and tell me which one you like better. on the layout on my other journal . when you put your mouse over the comment links it has a white background . i'll fix that and make it blue . so if i do use that one the background wont be white . http://www.greatestjournal.com/~swingswingx so today i found out that the rough draft short story for language arts isnt due until wednesday . so i finished it last night all for nothing . but i guess at least i dont have to do it tomorrow . finished my spanish project and i have to say it looks awesome . only because there are a zillion album covers on there . we're supposed to make comparisons of anything we want . and i decided to do bands .. so i just photo copied a zillion of my CD covers and made a book out of them . its not due until wednesday but i have a science test to study for tomorrow night so i decided to get it out of the way so i have time to study and play with boomerz . damn everwood is a re-run tonight . sucks . but then i can go to sleep at 9:00 instead of 10:00 .. that is if i actually fall asleep at 9:00. i think life would be way easier if i didnt like anyone . i mean if you dont like anyone then theres no chance of you getting hurt . but yeah its cool liking someone but not when you get hurt . so im trying not to like him anymore . more like anyone at all . school was stupid . it always is . over the weekend i forgot how much school made me hate life . but then when i went to school today .. i started feeling shitty again . it bugs me how fake some people are . and plus school is just boring and crappy . especially when you're like half asleep the whole day . and when you have the biggest stomach ache ever . i like seriously could not stand up . well i could but it hurt a whole lot . oh yeah and people who say like three times in one sentence piss the hell out of me . slit my throat 1 apologized

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